He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
