Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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