This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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