My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize