Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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