How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
