She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
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I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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