There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
