my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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