Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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