You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
