How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
