I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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