No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
