Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
