everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize