she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
