Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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