You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
