textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
