Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
