if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
