My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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