ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
