I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
