I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
