maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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