Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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