I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
