i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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