if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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