So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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