I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
