You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
