Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
