mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
