my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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