So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
