What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
