if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
