yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
