Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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