thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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