I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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