Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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