You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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