Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize