your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
