apparently the secret to your success is patron
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
