wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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