either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
