im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
