Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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