We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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