She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
