also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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