porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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