Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
