I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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