How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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