Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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