my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
