Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
