Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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